True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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