I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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