i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
