OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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