im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
