how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
