you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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