Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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