i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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