As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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