Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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