im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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