Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
