I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
