I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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