Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
