Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
