Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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