dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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