2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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