i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize