he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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