Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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