You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize