I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
