This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
