My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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