Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
