Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
