My nipple is on Facebook.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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