If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Too much gin, very little bucket
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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