How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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