And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize