You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
