Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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