Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
