and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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