smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
