Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't deserve a penis
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
