2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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