fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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