I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
