You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
