I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
