I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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