I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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