Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
