Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
