he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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