Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
