so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
