We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
