somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
