Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
