I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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