Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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