$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
