I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
