Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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