I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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