i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
is it fun? or sober?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
