you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
