does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
