How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
