Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
