I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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