be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
