I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
