yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
