atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
