If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
