he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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