So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
