I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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