I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
